Monkey Explains

This paragraph is here to explain what this page is about (thanks to the vague title). This page is here to explain what this blog is all about.

So great, you've found another Climber's blog - another blogger who so desperately crave your attention; who probably looks at the blog statistics every day to see how to get more viewers; who wants you to add this blog to your rss feed or some other magical ways the internet makes you read stuff.

This is how Kate Winslet reads my blog, naked, with a toy-boy.

Well yeah, spot on there, except for the stats and shit. I hated stats at A'level, slept through most of it. I prefer to spend my time on more productive things like woffling on incoherently when I have shits to explain. Ahem.


I'll be honest, I don't expect visitors to this blog, that's not to say I won't promote it in some ways, and I certainly have some vague plans of what to do with it. But that's in the distance future, and if I freeze myself to time-travel to the future to see what comes of the blog, I'd just create a catch-22 for myself as I won't be there for the duration of my frozen time to update the blog. Damn you science!

Science, you were sexier in the 80s!

Nonetheless, I wish I had blogged about my climbing experience. I don't do diaries because I forget where I put them. I don't save typed up stuff on my computer because I don't need more mess on there, so the internet seems an elegant solution.


And that's the thing about this blog - I'm writing it to amuse myself, reminding myself of MY experiences of rock climbing. You're probably bored shitless already if you got this far, but if you're stubborn enough to carry on reading it, or god forbid found some enjoyable out of it, then perhaps this blog isn't completely wrong for you.

Also helps if you like pandas.

I'm going to rant about stuff climbing related, I'll be inserting random pictures that apparently relate to the topic (in my head they do). I'll be talking about my theories and crap about how to be a better climber. If you find that I'm talking non-sense about a topic, write stuff back at me with or without cuss words, it'll hopefully help me figure climbing out some more. Hell, you can even use CAPSLOCK.


If you find my musing actually useful in some ways, then holy shit I'd have done the world more good that day (while probably sitting bored picking my nose). It's just like giving blood, you do it, forget about it, and while you're scratching your arse wondering what to cook for dinner BAM! You've just saved someone's life.

Except in this case, I've probably led someone closer to death because Rock Climbing is dangerous. And wash your hands before you cook, you arse scratcher.

Asscratching...